Iced Borscht

From the spiraling love appendages of the Internet universe…

• Conrad a.k.a. Substitute offers some damn fine holiday advice

• The Westboro Baptist Church announces that God hates Lady Gaga

• Reason.com’s Michael Moynihan looks at the Year in Hyperbole

• Oregon ranks 40th among states in terms of religiosity

• Scott Stein channels Thomas Paine over at When Falls the Coliseum

• Phil Plait alerts us to a bizarre meteorological phenomenon: snow rollers

• Jason Hackenwerth makes the world’s most astonishing balloon art

• The combat science of the Warrior Science Group

• Bizarre debate between Robert Wright and Christopher Hitchens

• English Russia visits a leech farm

• Sammy Benoit offers liberal friends some carefully worded holiday wishes

• The Nigardsbreen Ice Cave via Atlas Obscura

• Ugandan government has second thoughts regarding the slaughter of homosexuals

• Five Smart Things to Do For Your Blog

• Via Matt Welch at Reason.com: Douglas Brinkley has a chubby due to the cut of Obama’s jib

Ruth Waytz

Years ago I was working for a Vietnamese man whose very nature precluded him from ever “getting” me, which was fine and of course irrelevant.

One thing I loved about him though, was what I could only guess was something he’d been saying his whole life, a phrase so common to him that he didn’t even hear himself say it any more, and that was probably only a word or two in his native language –

Every conversation with him opened with him saying, “This is what I want.”

Not a sentence though, more of a single word, spoken fast, run together, and although he did actually mean it, it was clear he was saying it reflexively, not intentionally. And yet he meant every word.

I immediately loved it — he was casting a spell — preparing the ground so his words would take root and he would get what he wanted. Clueless as he was to this (or not), I picked up on it and took it as a valuable lesson. I say it often, and I have to say it really does clear the decks and increase the chance that what I say after will actually come to pass. People want to please you; but more than that if they hear your intentions they are compelled to give you what you ask for.

Years later, at the Church of Satan’s infamous 6-6-06 Black Mass, I heard a new and flashy (replete with fire) variation on the old spell:

Rex Church ended each of his spells by shouting, “Such is my decree!”

Didn’t take me long to adopt that one either. Much more dramatic, but it’s the same principle – and it works.

I’m no hippie, but I expect positive results in this life and I consistently get them. Announcing my intentions and placing my concise order with the Universe dramatically increases my success rate.

Be specific. Ask for what you want, then watch as you get it. Be sure to acknowledge your spell — that you cast it and that it worked. The Universe wants to feel appreciated too.

You might also prick up your ears to what others ask for and think about delivering that once in a while. (It’s a two-way street you know.)

So what the heck — it’s a new year and a new decade.

Lay it out and get cracking.

• In their seminal work “Nigga Killz the Whole Town,” the Gang Bangaz reveal a profound social conscience. Songs draped in the sorrow of inner city pain ricochet off the gleaming production of Master Fuck; there’s never a dull moment. Educational and ass-moving.

• “Running Away (Shacking Up w/a White Bitch)” is Def Clappa‘s bittersweet portrayal of a misspent youth. It’s a harrowing listen — not for the timid — but the song’s life-affirming vigor, delicately sculpted by DJ Scat, results in one heck of a booty-shakin’ commotion. HIGHLY recommended.

• In the bleak ghettoscape of “Big Black Thang,” MC Serpentine wields his microphone like a big, phallic war club. “Splooge My Shit All Ova U” is the best of a strong, strong bunch  – it soars furtively over a sonic backdrop of deft Cameo and Midnight Star samples.

• “30 Niggaz 4 the Road” details the gentrification of DJ FuckYoShitUp‘s old stomping grounds. It’s a tour de force delivered with searing ferocity. The ‘hood has never felt this life affirming. One of the most important releases of the last 25 years.

• Ice 4 Evva breaks new ground on  ”Bitch Stranglaz,” as he dives into such unexplored lyrical terrain as necrophilia and competitive eating.

• “Bitch Delivery” is a challenging listen, but also a rewarding one. Ice Fucka‘s paean to Black women on death row is at times poignant, at times devastating. In sum, it’s a watershed moment in the young rapper’s career.

• Although the frenzied homophobia of “Dick Sandwich” is difficult to stomach, EZ Fucka makes it all worthwhile by the close of business. The album’s last final three tracks supply a brilliant coda to the disjointed viciousness of the first 12 songs. It’s a momentous work.

• Frosty Kunt is not your typical Caucasian rapper; she comes armed with an undergrad degree in venom and a master’s in ASS-KICKING. In sum, don’t be turned off by the pigmentation. The girl earned her doctorate in the ‘hood. Guest appearances by such hip- hop luminaries as Gold Face, Crooked Fux and Ice Shit affirm this.

• “Dirty Skiez” is the most suffocating release yet by 2CanPlay. 2Can forces listeners to consider why so-progressive society places such issues as climate change and mass transportation above the plight of young Black men. Social commentary has rarely been this brooding, this foreboding…this ass-shaking. A harrowing listen.

• “Your Dreads Look Like Cat Shit” finds Blackfaced Soldja Digits in a sinister mood. It’s 4 minutes, 31 seconds of unmitigated venom aimed at white pretenders to the hip-hop throne. It’s brutal, as one might expect, and brilliant.