Iced Borscht
Sweet Frittering in an Offhand Way

Auto-Nutrition, LA Style

December 14, 2012 by Ruth Waytz | Filed under A Borscht-In 2012, Stuff.

By Ruth Waytz

Just How Lazy AM I?

Yesterday I did a post sending you to someone else’s blog. Today I’m posting something written by somebody else!

I’m a bit freaked out by the Connecticut school shooting, so I’m going to try to lighten the mood with some words of wisdom from the Original King of Los Angeles: Jonathan Slater.

(Sorry MC Borscht-Boss, for not clearing this with you first. My therapist tells me I’m not so good with the word “should.”)

 

It’s not news that living in Los Angeles means spending a great deal of time in a car. We drive to work, to shop, and even to get exercise – everything seems to involve driving. I’m okay with that. I like my car. I’m comfortable in it. My car is my mini home. I have music, climate control, and even seats that warm my bum on those three days a year I need it.

Like many fellow Angelenos, once I’m comfy in my mini home (much like my real home) I don’t want to leave it. To that end, I’ve had great success engineering how to accomplish all my tasks from the comfort of my bucket seat. I know every drive thru ATM and mini mart, and can even plot a course for the rare drive thru liquor store.

My only real challenge has been eating. You’d think this would be easy. Fast food on every corner = no problem, right? Maybe. But I’m also a bit of a neat freak, and I don’t want to soil my sacred conveyance.

What to do?

For short trips or stop and go traffic, you just can’t beat the burrito. Self-contained, all consumable, and when assembled properly (construction flaws will be your undoing), it is a fine and leak-free meal. Be smart here: keep the wrapper around the base for access to any bits that might have wandered free and you’ll be fed and happy, always with one hand safely on the wheel.

For longer trips requiring real meals, certainly you can enjoy a burger, sandwich, tacos, or even pizza. These foods need two hands, which in heavy traffic can pose a problem. I find these are best speed-eaten at red lights and then set down when it’s time to move. If that proves impractical, I suggest improving your ability to steer with your knee.

The by far worst food to while driving is any type of bowl, which always requires two hands and usually has hot contents. I save this challenge for longer road trips where I’m on the open highway and can just activate the cruise control and prop my leg under the wheel. This one’s for the real pros, though. I don’t recommend it until you’ve at least mastered the chili burger.

So the next time you’re in Los Angeles and you see a guy in the merge lane for the 101 eating a burrito and shaving, don’t be alarmed. It’s probably just me, and I got this.

— Jonathan Slater

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Written by Ruth Waytz

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