Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the bike category


Photo by Lori Sexton in Kingsford, Michigan.

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Some of you are aware that my bike was recently stolen (on Monday, May 24, 2010).
There’s a hidden tragedy in this beyond the overt sense of personal grief and violation. That’s because the loss of my bike has severely curtailed my ability to be a good eco-citizen of Portlandia. It’s a shame, because I was making a valid (albeit cynical) attempt at becoming GREENER:
  • I began composting! Sure, the city’s omnibenevolent composting pilot forces me to compost, and getting out of this scam appears impossible. But unlike some affluent gentrifiers in town, I’m actually DOING it — I’m composting! Mother Gaia has repaid me by increasing the number of flies that gravitate toward rotting food at my house.

Sweet Christmas broheims, I was en route to becoming a noble steward of the environment until some thugs ruined my humble dream.

There’s a way to help, though. You can “re-green” me by donating to my PayPal account (see the yellow “Donate” button below). All funds will go toward the purchase of a new bike. The new wheels will lessen my carbon footprint in Multnomah County and points beyond. If this scheme successfully reunites me with the pleasures of bike ownership, I’ll even bike to work once or twice.

Re-green me, good eco-citizens of Green City USA!

Let’s get this party started!

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The animals in the photo above were recently busted by a brave 12-year-old girl in Troutdale. The skinny:

The terrified girl placed a 9-1-1 call while she hid inside her room under the bed. She described the men to the dispatcher and what kind of car was outside. She said she could hear the suspects in the house.

“He’s rummaging around,” she told the 9-1-1 dispatcher. “I can hear.”

“OK. Talk quiet, OK?” the dispatcher responds. “Can you tell where the noises are coming from?”

“Yeah, it’s right down the hall,” the girl answered in a whisper.

At one point the man was inside her room.

A Troutdale police officer was nearby and a minute later he arrived at the home on Southeast Pelton Avenue with his gun drawn.

Officers arrested the man in the house, another in a getaway car, and the last suspect who ran down the street.

Interestingly, the incident occurred about 20-to-30 minutes after my own home (which isn’t far away) was burglarized. The crime at my house appeared to be a three-man job as well. Thus, I am curious if the cretins above are the same ones who have my bike, my stereo, three or four of my cameras, my baby photos, my baby videos, etc.

Of course though, these treasured members of society are innocent until proven guilty.


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