TUNDRANAUTICA

Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the Daniel Kalder category

I’d like to apply the worldview of Avvakum the Archpriest to all components of my life, starting now.

Please join me, and begin with this quote:

Are your eunuchs fanning you to keep the flies from biting the great sovereign? And when you shit, do you wipe your bottom with that hellfire? The Holy Spirit tells me … there’s no need to shit away what you’ve eaten since the worms are slowly eating the great sovereign himself … into the bowels of the earth with you, son of a bitch!

Stallone

h/t Daniel Kalder

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  • The Vanishing Yokel,” by Jim Goad: “As Americans get more tightly packed into sprawling megalopolises, what coastal snobs dismiss as ‘flyover country’ is rapidly devolving into one giant ghost town. What used to be known as Middle Americans are now called extremists. The heartland has become the hinterlands. One of the biggest cultural divides in American culture has always been urban v. rural, city mouse v. country mouse. It appears that the city mouse has won.”

Currently on the playlist:

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BorschtPortal

In years past — specifically, each December — I’ve celebrated the medium of blogging by inviting writers I like to compose guest posts here, at this blog.

These events have gone by the moniker “A BORSCHT-IN,” and they have been good fun.

Ricky

Part of the fun was watching talented scribes like Daniel Kalder and Ricky Sprague do their thing, and do it damn well.

Daniel

But this year, I’m inverting the process. This year, instead of soliciting blog posts for this site, I’m offering to guest-post at other peoples’ blogs in December.

Lucy Steigerwald on Hollywood Boulevard

I’ve already promised the brilliant Lucy Steigerwald an item for her blog. I also have something brewing for the blog of my amazing friend Ruth Waytz.

Ruth as Clay Matthews

So, I humbly throw this idea out to the shifting, whispering sands of the Internet — who else would like to taint their brand by allowing me to pilot their blog for a post or two during the month of December?

I only have one rule for this experiment — if you ask me to blog for you, you must assign me a blogging topic.

Somehow it just seems more fun that way.

Game on, comrades.

EXCELSIOR!

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Big Rob

Tremendous photo of Rob Ford from the Internet

  • Daniel Kalder on the bizarre spectacle of kids’ MMA: “…there’s a difference between playground wars and kids’ MMA, namely that the teachers at my school did not run out and join us in our fight circle to cheer on the violence. Instead, like the responsible adults they were, they broke up the battles. But at MMA events, the parents sit in the audience celebrating the beatings. And that seems a bit odd.”
  • Jim Goadafter a colonoscopy the other day in which he received the anesthetic Propofol: “They shot me up with a creamy syringe of the sweet nectar again this morning. As the nurse pressed the plunger, she told me I’d be unconscious in 3-5 seconds. I vowed to stay awake longer than that, but I was out before the plunger hit bottom. I awoke to be informed that my colon is as slick and blemish-free as an Olympic luge track, whereupon I hugged the nurse. I never hug anyone.”

Jim Henson Memorial

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Vladimir Potanin, Russian businessman

  • Daniel Kalder: “The other day I read that some Russian oligarch or other had paid $95,000 to a restaurateur in New York for a bit of fungus. Well, a fool and his money, as they say. Alright, it wasn’t just any old bit of fungus. Apparently it was a ‘white alba truffle’ – a special fungus that is quite difficult to find. And you can eat it. Meanwhile, this bit of fungus weighed about 4lb so it was quite heavy, for a fungus. According to Nello Balan, the man who says he sold the oligarch the fungus, it was the biggest such bit of fungus in the history of fungi, or something. So there you go: Clearly this bit of fungus was worth every penny. Except, I’m still not convinced. Then again, if I were Vladimir Potanin, the oligarch who bought the fungus, I probably wouldn’t care. I looked him up and discovered that he is Russia’s fourth richest man – worth around $14.3 billion,according to Forbes. That being the case, this purchase for him is the equivalent of me buying a Snickers bar – not particularly extravagant.”
  • Neko Case interview: “At 10, I just loved FM radio: I listened to KMJK Magic FM because I was living on the outskirts of Portland, Oregon, and they played the Pretenders, the Clash, 10cc, Blondie.”
  • Pink-Shaded Marketing: “Research suggests that the NFL and its corporate partners are more concerned with enhancing their public images — especially among women — and ultimately revenues, than they are with addressing breast cancer, and they seek to manipulate NFL fandom in the name of public health.”
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Coat of arms of Albania

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Links of interest

This image is a screen capture from the previe...

  • Daniel Kalder on the bromance of Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un: “It seems likely then that Kim Jong-un is in a pretty dark place these days: paranoid, fearful, murderous. And along comes Dennis, his friend, at exactly the right moment. Could Rodman be working an angle? Well, he’s not singing at a wedding or looking for citizenship, and he has explicitly stated that he will not raise the issue of Korean-American missionary Kenneth Bae, currently languishing in a North Korean prison. No, says Rodman: ‘I’m not there to be a diplomat. I’m there to go there and just have a good time, sit with (Kim Jong-un) and his family, and that’s pretty much it.'”
  • Jim GoadIt’s Hard Out Here for a Dudebro: “Hapless and uncomprehending dudebros are expected to passively sit with their hands folded in their laps as they’re scolded over their cisgendered privilege and the fact that they deny the ‘brovantages’ that life under this white-male patriarchy has granted them. They are told to shut the fuck up and stop pretending to listen, that they are in effect the brownshirts of rape culture for whom no form of surgical castration could be too painful.”
  • The Independent: “A former women’s prison in South Africa which once held Winnie Mandela is now home to a 12m-deep screaming vagina.”
  • The Socialist Worker: “The Obama administration has been able to find some allies in unexpected places in his quest to sell the war. There are a surprising number of African American liberals who, while they may have not completely jumped on board the air-strike bandwagon, are, in effect, warming up the engine and assisting the administration to make its case for war.”
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