Jezebel is a shrill, horrible Web site written by coddled, spoiled, angry (mostly white) feminists who — not content with a country, the Emasculated States of America, that caters to their every crybaby whim under President Hopedick — sees fit to attack anyone with a penis.
But don’t take it from me. Take it from Kyria Abrahams, a funny and talented writer whom I kinda-sorta know through Jim Goad‘s Facebook group.
Kyria has produced the best takedown of Jezebel that I’ve ever seen.
Jezebel plays upon the worst female stereotype: that of the gossipy, shrill, cliquish, therapy-tethered, cast of Girls-style spoiled brat. Jezebel writers act the way misogynistic men mistakenly believe all women act, with a stick up their ass and their nose in an iPhone. This website, and sites like them, have single-handedly set back badass chicks faster than Sleater Kinney in a tractor beam.
And here’s Kyria’s speculative (and dare I say pretty damn accurate) take on the mindset of the average Jezebel or Jezebel-esque writer who throws Internet tantrums about mansplaining and fat-shaming and god knows what else:
I have a theory about Internet feminists who spend their days writing blog posts as the moral arbiters of society. I suspect they are sociopathic. Think about it. These women need a list of no-no words because they actually don’t know right from wrong.
I think they are secretly horrid, hateful people who use feminism like Dexter’s murder code. They don’t know how to behave, not really, not in their hearts. They only know what they’ve been told is right and told is wrong. You didn’t mean to hurt someone’s feelings? Well, guess what! What you meant isn’t important any more. The only important thing is what I wanted you to mean.
And so, the bloggers navigate rape jokes and racial tensions like a ride on a sabbath elevator stopping at every floor. Finding a way to travel as they please without technically breaking any laws. They’ve made so many rules they’re now making rules to get around their own rules.
And I like this challenge Kyria hurls at the bloated ankles of the snarling Jezebel yeast eaglets.
Jezebel writers, what do you do for the world? Do you offer positive things? Do you write, draw, sing, run, dance? Since you are feminists, do you take advantage of anything that feminism has actually given women the freedom to do? Or do you just sit around pointing fingers and drumming up outrage for impressionable college girls?
You call yourselves feminists but you’re just feminine. You’re everything cliched and stereotypical about women the rest of us have worked so hard to get out from under. If Jezebel’s brand of feminism were a corporeal woman, she would be pulling on her chewing gum and driving daddy’s car too slowly in the passing lane, her right blinker permanently on, as she drives on and on and on, oblivious to the accidents taking place behind her.
Well said, well said.
And deeply appreciated by those of us who are just flat-out sick of the bullshit.
Jezebel, fuck you.