TUNDRANAUTICA

Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the film category

Phil Jesus

Film pitch: “PRESIDENT CHRIST.”

In a parallel universe, Phil Hartman is still alive, playing Jesus, who comes back to Earth to run for president.

I’m envisioning concept art for the film by the Jesus With You Always web guy, who could accomplish what Ralph McQuarrie did for “Star Wars.”

JC Secretary

The movie would have a loving and warm treatment of Christ, though, and wouldn’t be snarky or mean-spirited.

That is all.

——

Also: Bill Murray as Ted Cruz in a Wes Anderson film:

Ted

Share Button

Related articles

Share Button

Coat of arms of Albania

Share Button

Links of interest

This image is a screen capture from the previe...

  • Daniel Kalder on the bromance of Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong-un: “It seems likely then that Kim Jong-un is in a pretty dark place these days: paranoid, fearful, murderous. And along comes Dennis, his friend, at exactly the right moment. Could Rodman be working an angle? Well, he’s not singing at a wedding or looking for citizenship, and he has explicitly stated that he will not raise the issue of Korean-American missionary Kenneth Bae, currently languishing in a North Korean prison. No, says Rodman: ‘I’m not there to be a diplomat. I’m there to go there and just have a good time, sit with (Kim Jong-un) and his family, and that’s pretty much it.'”
  • Jim GoadIt’s Hard Out Here for a Dudebro: “Hapless and uncomprehending dudebros are expected to passively sit with their hands folded in their laps as they’re scolded over their cisgendered privilege and the fact that they deny the ‘brovantages’ that life under this white-male patriarchy has granted them. They are told to shut the fuck up and stop pretending to listen, that they are in effect the brownshirts of rape culture for whom no form of surgical castration could be too painful.”
  • The Independent: “A former women’s prison in South Africa which once held Winnie Mandela is now home to a 12m-deep screaming vagina.”
  • The Socialist Worker: “The Obama administration has been able to find some allies in unexpected places in his quest to sell the war. There are a surprising number of African American liberals who, while they may have not completely jumped on board the air-strike bandwagon, are, in effect, warming up the engine and assisting the administration to make its case for war.”
Share Button

Share Button

Auntie Anne's

  • Being in a Band is For Losers (Needs one additional paragraph about the requisite intervention Aging Band Guy‘s friends must administer to save his train-wreck life.)
  • Daniel Kalder: Are White Supremacists On The Rampage In Texas? — “…white power freaks had been almost mythical creatures for me, like unicorns, only less appealing to preteen girls. Of course, I knew that they existed, but overexposure to British TV documentaries about American weirdos in the 1990s, not to mention Russian anti-Americanism in the 2000s, had bred weariness in me, and I had rejected the characterization of America as a land teeming with survivalists, apocalyptic believers, Hitler fans and serial killers long before I moved here. I mean, come on: No place could be that interesting.”
  • Gates of Hell: “A group of Italian archaeologists have announced they have found the legendary ‘Pluto’s Gate,’ a portal filled with foul-smelling noxious fumes which inflicted a quick death on any person or beast that was driven into its embrace.”
  • Gavin McInnes:Here in the real world, love is blind. So are erections. [Men] don’t really care what [women] look like as long as you have a vagina and don’t dry-heave when you see us naked. If women knew how unbelievably perverted we are, they wouldn’t even brush their hair. Napoleon said to Josephine, ‘I will return to Paris tomorrow evening. Don’t wash.’ We want to inhale your flaws. As my buddy Sharky said, ‘Smelling a woman’s ass is a poor man’s Viagra.’ Our testosterone is already airbrushing you into perfection the second you walk into the room. We have virtually no deal-breakers.”
  • Roger Ebert‘s 1971 review of Head: “It was written by Jack Nicholson, who went on to star in “Easy Rider” and “Five Easy Pieces,” and directed by Bob Rafelson, who directed “Five Easy Pieces.” The producer, Bert Schneider, created the Monkees for television with Rafelson, and “Head” was apparently their scheme to bury them.”
Share Button

Christian Bale as Batman.

From the Wall Street Journal. (Emphasis mine.)

No family retainer has ever been more faithful than Alfred, the butler played by Michael Caine in Christopher Nolan’s Batman films, or more frustrated in his efforts to protect his beloved master from harm. Not once but several times in the course of “The Dark Knight Rises,” Alfred implores the angst-ridden Bruce Wayne to move on, get a life and find happiness. His appeals are genuinely moving, inevitably unavailing and beside the point. Gotham City needs Batman. Time Warner needs Batman. The world has waited four years to find out how the Batman saga resolves. And feeling good about life is not what Christian Bale’s Batman wants. This third—and, the director insists, final—installment of Mr. Nolan’s series makes you feel thoroughly miserable about life. It’s spectacular, to be sure, but also remarkable for its all-encompassing gloom. No movie has ever administered more punishment, to its hero or its audience, in the name of mainstream entertainment.

Share Button

Lasse at Street Carnage has a fun post entitled “WOLVES, DOLPHINS, AND INJUNS: IN DEFENSE OF INDEFENSIBLE ART.”

A sample:

Sure, I like Mucha, Dix, Hiroshige, and a lot of other stuff, but I enjoy those works in a very simple way, and most art enthusiasts would probably consider me a Philistine should I ever speak loudly about the works of those artists.

Then there’s a different form of art I enjoy. You most definitely won’t find these artists in any gallery near you, at least not a respectable gallery. Even the so-called lowbrow artists look down on the art these guys make. Enthusiasts of kitsch and camp would never dare slumming this low. It’s a movement so underground, you probably haven’t heard of it. In fact, I don’t even think it has a name, at least not one I’m aware of.

So I’ll simply give it a name right now: Wolphinjun Art.

That’s an amalgamation of the names of three creatures in American wildlife that is often portrayed in these pictures: wolves, dolphins, and Injuns.

You may not know what the hell I’m talking about, but you’ve definitely seen Wolphinjun art somewhere. Probably on a cheap posters or on the T-shirt of a clueless hippie.

The motifs in these pictures are often dolphins, sea turtles, or wild stallions frolicking in a tropical landscape, apparently airbrushed with the most glaring colors the artist could find. Then there’s a slightly rougher sub-genre of Wolphinjun that has motifs of wolves, Injuns, or wolves with Injuns. Wolphinjun is the visual equivalent of really cheesy New Age music, something you’ll see if you ever search for New Age tunes on YouTube. Wolphinjun paintings go really well with the sound of a forest stream or whale song.

(Notice that I use the word “Injun,” as opposed to “Indian” or “Native-American.” That’s because the New Age view of Native-Americans and their culture that is portrayed on these pictures is so removed from any form of reality, they make James Cameron’s Avatar look like a brilliant documentary on the Sioux.)

Did someone say Avatar? Here’s my review of that remarkable film, btw:

What’s great is that Amazon has a warehouse full of Porpoise Fellating a Rainbow-type merch and totem animal apparel, for instance:

Nice!

Share Button