Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the home category

After the shooting spree at the University of California, Santa Barbara on Friday, the young killer left behind a chilling manifesto and YouTube video highlighting his sexual alienation as a motivation for his crimes. With the blood still drying, Washington Post film critic Ann Hornaday singled out an unusual source of blame for the killings – Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow movies…

Oy. Sure enough, Rogen and Apatow reacted to Hornaday’s attempt to blame them with outrage, and I can’t say I blame them. It’s hard to even know where to start with this. Unlike many, I don’t even disagree with the basic notion that we should pay attention to how entertainment morally shapes our kids. But in an era of ubiquitous and instantaneous pornography, complaining about comedies playing at the cineplex makes it seem like Hornaday’s priorities are a bit skewed.

  • A new Queen album cometh with previously unreleased material featuring Freddie Mercury


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Recently a woman here in Portland ridiculed me for living near Gresham, a suburb that Portland’s indie-alpha culture finds repugnant.

“Why do you live there? she asked. “Is it because of the close proximity to all the great cuisine and culture?”

Or something. She thought she was being smarmy-yet-cute. But unbeknownst to her, the former greatly diminishes the latter.

So I told her:


The Ham of Gresh is made of stern stuff, it is the most purely triplicate articulation of the Godhead anywhere.

Like you, I am a mere commoner of Southeast Portland. But unlike you, I live scant blocks from the hamlet of Gresh.

I like misunderstood places.

I like coal piles.

I like coyotes, I like scorched engine oil.

I like places where the snow gets dirty.

I like places far removed from emergency renewable energy fairs, yoga parlors, Sleater-Kinney, bike shops, microbreweries and C.h.u.n.k. 666 Tweet-ups.

I like unpopular places.

I like the face-smacking winds of the Columbia River Gorge. I like Kevlar-bottom boats I can smash around the Sandy River with. I like places where ultimate fighting trumps roller derby as the key fringe sport of interest.

I like places that force themselves on the landscape.

I like blight.

I like whatever urban planners hate.

I like vacant lots.

I like wide-open places.

I like places where elk hunters outnumber pansexual dilettantes 100-1.

I like places with grease, gunfire and burning tires.

I like Gresham.

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