Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the Russian language category

Coat of arms of Albania

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Originally published at When Falls the Coliseum.

I’ve seen the future of news, and it’s as red as the blood of a freshly killed Siberian ibex.

Don’t doubt it. Think about it. While American news publications die a slow death and adapt clumsily to new media, Russian journalism evolves with stunning rapidity.  It is the new standard-bearer, the prized Rothschild Egg. Meanwhile, all that American journalism can do is lay an egg.

The Revolution is led by Pravda, an online clearinghouse of great/helpful information that should not be confused with the Soviet-era paper of the same name.  Here at WFTC, Daniel Kalder recently (and commendably) brought attention to Pravdas photo of a human-faced lamb.  Newbies will want to read the site’s take on the Olympic prostitution scene in Vancouver. An excerpt:

Hard-working females…are aware of the fact that they will have to take a very active part in the Games too. Many women come to Vancouver to work “like Olympic champions” for two weeks and then return back home.

You’re simply not going to find that kind of scoop in the Sacramento Bee or the Detroit Free Press.  And no schlockmeister at the Oregonian or USA Today can deliver this kind of news bonanza:

A female passenger from Russia had her silicon breasts ruptured as she landed in an airplane in the United States…(she) will have to spend her entire holiday in California in bed. She will also have to bid farewell to her treasure which she implanted to attract men’s attention. Another breast augmentation surgery may lead to severe consequences for the woman.

MosNews.com is another fine source, although it seems to go dormant for months at a time. It initially hooked me with the story of Siberia’s Nadazhda Teplyakova, who escaped a bear attack by pummeling the creature’s nose. Says Teplyakova:

The bear seized me by the ear. After that it bit my ponytail off, I almost fainted away with fear. Then I started to shout at the top of my voice at the animal. It was motionless with surprise. After that I have delivered several blows to its muzzle. It then just growled and ran away into the forest. I don’t know how I got home.

The diversity of material at these Russian news sites is staggering. On the surface, it seems like madness…like Babelfish Translator run amok. However, I’m not sure I’ve read a news story as sad and plainly stated as “Pregnant Woman Goes Out to Buy Apples But Dies in Elevator.” That headline is shades of Hemingway’s “For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn.”

I also appreciate how Russian journalism doesn’t feign impartiality or objectivity. No. It smashes you in the face with a hammer and tears your flesh with a sickle. To wit:

…the Presidency of the United States of America is a lame duck post from the word go, built for a puppet whose strings are pulled by AIPAC and the myriad of lobbies which gravitate around Washington.

Thank you. And how’s this for some muscular patriotism:

It seems that the West wants Russians to forget how to fight for their motherland and win. The nation is alive while its memory is alive. Those who honor their former victories are able to win the present battles.

That’s robust, barrel-chested news — the hard stuff. Russian journalism spares us the cloying schmaltz of lame human-interest stories.  There are no faux-altruistic puff pieces, no insipid awards from groveling peers.

Russia’s able-bodied newshounds are blazing a trail and I proudly ride their coattails.


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