Bringing Home the Freshest Kill

Posts in the weapons category

Seal of the C.I.A. - Central Intelligence Agen...

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Ruth Waytz

On “taking the edge off”

On second thought, I’m not completely sure I want to take the edge off

What if, say, I’d prefer to hone that edge? To bring it to its absolutely Most Ridiculous Sharpness, and then, say, APPLY PRESSURE WITH IT?

What about that?

What if I took my newly fashioned weapon and shanked my way to Blessed Freedom?

Help me out here, brothers and sisters – what would you say is the absolute best way to rid myself this Nagging Backache, this Heartbreak of Psoriasis, this Thing That Wouldn’t Die?

What bliss, to be able to take off running, blade glinting, and CUT THE FUCKING HEADS OFF of anyone who’s been relentlessly screwing me and derailing my forward motion?

I am sick to freaking death of taking the high road, doing the right thing, following along the proper channels — only to discover that all that is an illusion, and that in the end anyone can do whatever they want and there’s no reckoning whatsoever.

To stab and slice at them, to cut their fucking hearts out, to watch them bleed out and disappear like stale farts, never to be missed or mentioned again.

Sweet Freedom!

To run at life full speed ahead — to fly through the air, spread open like a parachute, and pounce on it with all fours – and to be completely safe —

I’m not trying to do anything special or new, yet every day feels like a Japanese game show, blindfolded, running across a rickety rope bridge while juggling a tray of Jell-O shooters. To stumble is peril: the piranhas will eat me.

I will prevail. I must prevail. I always prevail.

Sometimes it just seems impossible … without a really sharp weapon.

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