My favorite Web site of the moment, Mosnews.com, deliv­ers Russian news in bro­ken English, which makes me privy to this hot item:

53-year-old Siberian woman beats 200 kg bear barehanded

“Nadezhda Teplyakova was walk­ing home from work when the wild ani­mal sud­denly attacked her,” we’re told. Read it, damn it:

“The petite woman of only 1.52 meters did not know what to do at first. ‘The bear seized me by the ear. After that it bit my pony­tail off, I almost fainted away with fear. Then I started to shout at the top of my voice at the ani­mal. It was motion­less with sur­prise. After that I have deliv­ered sev­eral blows to its muz­zle. It then just growled and ran away into the for­est,’ Teplyakova said. ‘I don’t know how I got home.’

Her hubby takes over from here:

“‘She entered the room cov­ered with blood,’ Nadezhda’s hus­band Victor said. “Then [Nadezhda] fell into my arms and said only the word ‘bear.’ After that she passed out.”

Local trau­ma­tol­o­gist Evgenii Afonin helped reassem­ble Nadezhda. He brings a matter-of-fact sto­icism to the oper­at­ing table.

“We oper­ated on the muti­lated woman for sev­eral hours. Our sur­geons have sown up her head, leg and chest wounds.”

Despite all the gloom and muti­la­tion, our humdinger of a story ends on a high note.

“The next day Victor went to the for­est, tracked down the ani­mal and shot it to avenge his wife.”

The end.

???????? ????????????, HOMIE.

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