My  Twitter shenani­gans from October.

• A mes­sage I just found from a Web ring I applied to ages ago (deny­ing me): “Your foul lan­guage is atrocious.”

• Think I’ll send a friend request to a for­mer fuck­friend on FB, just to hor­rify her. These are the lit­tle things that make life flavorful.

• Thinking of chang­ing my Twitter han­dle to “Hunk Stew.” Throw in some car­rots, a dash of this sort of cha cha cha, and voila…

• Sitting in an empty sky­scraper lis­ten­ing to doom­jazz again. Nobody can party quite like me.

• Caribou, will you be my totem ani­mal? Cool. But don’t fret, li’l coy­ote friend; you’re on the prac­tice squad.

• O! What a des­o­late void. Saturday night and here I stare at the keyboard/abyss.

• #onelet­teroff­movies Hoard the Duck

• Ladies, does Michael Moore make your ovaries swell? Does he put you in a repro­duc­tive con­di­tion? He is a Proud Man.

• I’d like to thank @smilinstanlee for the issue of THE INCREDIBLE HULK where Reagan granted the Hulk amnesty for past transgressions.

• Some of my preschooler’s best friends are black. #WhiteGuilt

• Please pause before print­ing this tweet and con­sider that doing so is akin to stomp­ing your foot on the fleshy throat of biodiversity.

• We bring kind­ness to your ham face.

• Starting a new polit­i­cal party: the Oscillating Simpaticos. We have 100 found­ing prin­ci­ples. We don’t befoul our neigh­bors’ easements.

• I feel the engines of Nobel-flavored peace at work. I am fore­cast­ing rain­bows and dew-drenched ospreys singing joyfully.

• Just saw three fat rac­coons wad­dle out of my yard and into my heart.

• Won 6 Nobel Prizes, 10 Hugo Awards, a Stanley Cup, 12 John Hobbs Medals, 4 Prix de Romes & 20 Profiles in Courage Awards before 6 a.m. today.

• Also won 3 Profiles in Cribbage Awards, and fin­ished 10^th in the vot­ing for the Heisman, even though votes won’t be tab­u­lated until November.

• Are celebri­ties and jour­nal­ists aware enough about our pres­i­dent? Does he get the credit he deserves? Would that be so much to ask?

• Peace in this world is impor­tant; it is pre­sented by the peo­ple of Nobel…but it scratches me; chafes me; makes my nether-areas unclean.

• Upon star­ing into the abyss, I was delighted to see Harry Connick Jr. in black­face, star­ing back at me as a delight­ful sur­ro­gate abyss.

• I don’t want to live in the type of cold, cruel world that would endeavor to upset Harry Connick Jr. He is an altru­is­tic wig­ger. He is good.

• Perky Jerky is the world’s first performance-enhancing meat snack: http://tinyurl.com/m3yno2 It’s caf­feinated.

• Government is the new reli­gion. As such, I remain a bit­ter, cold athe­ist. Colder than ever.

• I will lay this fan­tas­tic ham upon you.

• Girl-skin rug: http://www.kinkerbelle.com/?p=1703

• #Conspiracy Big Swimming; Big Wrangling; Big Podiatry; Big Modeling; Big Midwifery; Big Numerology; Big Perfume; Big Locksmithing

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