• Portland artist Bijijoo provides a great service to our nation — portraits of our presidents cradling ham hocks.

• Three questions: What is a “second chakra,” what is it doing in the pubic area, and why does Al Gore have an alleged interest in releasing it? (h/t Jack B)

• Why Peruvians are painting the Andes white

• Big, bad-ass bears from Kamchatka

• Sperm whales, unlike many Portlanders I know, have personalities

• Swimming lizard robot. Hi, fella!

• Bagby Hot Springs gets a write-up in Atlas Obscura

• Does the public function as a mass, partisan critic of administration moves, or does it behave more like a thermostat?

• Following a mishap with a combine harvester, Oscar the Cat gets bionic appendages

• Mark your calendars, Oregonians: July 11, 2010, AD at Lincoln City — the prestigious Competitive Rib Eating Contest returns. Making an appearance will be Joey Chestnut, the world’s most decorated gustatory athlete.

• Did a bag of potato chips lure a confession out of a portly rapist?

• Screwing up makes us whipsmart

• Why is a Ukrainian jet stuck in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan?

• 5 Interesting tidbits about Stevie Hawking

• Obama and cheeseburgers

• The most grating mystery of our time, and one deserving of unrelenting scientific inquiry, is the question of why Ozzy Osbourne is still alive

• Why don’t Penn and Teller attack Islam on BULLSHIT? The reason is a valid one, and I respect and appreciate it, although it offers a sad, illuminating commentary on the state of the world: they have families, and they don’t want to see them beheaded or suffer some other insane atrocity at the hands of murderous, pathological thugs who are offended by what two magicians say on TV.

I guess that’s where we are these days in terms of global, intellectual discourse — if free speech still exists, it’s either hanging on by a loose, tattered thread or floating about nominally. Markets used to rule the world, and back then, we thrived. Now pathological madmen who live in caves rule the world, and nobody can speak ill of them lest we want to see our loved ones slaughtered in the streets.

Barbarism. Seventh-century idiocy. Nukes as readily available as Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

Yep, I like the direction this world is headed in.

FOX News – they say they’re FAIR AND BALANCED.

What a bunch of hot air, people!

I bet if you ripped open Sean Hannity, his guts would be spangled with stars!

And this Bill O’Reilly fellow has a “No Spin Zone” on his program. But after listening to it, I feel as though the GOP has bent me over a washing machine…on the SPIN CYCLE!

Oh, and Mike Huckabee. Dude…what the fuckabee???

FOX broadcasters say “they report” and are kind enough to let “us decide“! Have you ever heard such twaddle? How many knees were slapped when that yarn was told? Good grief!

Look, I was born at night, true, but I wasn’t born last night!

FOX News, this viewer is not impressed. You’re going to have to work harder to pull the wool over my eyes.

Furthermore, I consider myself a patriot! I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some news magnate from Down Under color my worldview. No sir! You gotta get up pretty early to pull a fast one on this news junkie, and the last person who’s going to do it is some fancy-pants oligarch from the outback! I’ll hose off the S.O.B. and ship his assets back to Melbourne! I think there’s some koalas down there in need of a good rodgering!

GOOD NIGHT!

Photo credit: Laundry day, originally uploaded by Ozz Boyd.